INDEX TO WEB SITE
KITE MAKING PAGES
CONTRIBUTIONS FROM READERS
STORIES AND EBAY SALES
1 AN OLD LAND ROVER
NAMES I CALL MY WIFE
A Bonus READY MADE SHAKESPEAREAN INSULTS
For thou villainous, tickle-brained nuthooks
In the written word only I usually label my wife with one of the honorific's below. In the spoken word to save much pain and injury I normally say "Yes dear"
CREATE THY OWN SHAKESPEAREAN INSULTS
Directions for use
In story # 40 Selling a Horse Whip my Keeper of The Cobwebs (The wife) who has multiple personality disorder took on the persona of a Gallant Knight and would often come out with insults such as the ones below.
A pox upon thee and thy family, you gorbellied urchin-snouted pigeon egg, who art no greater than the boil-brained malt-worm that bears your mothers name!! Ha, away from me you onion-eyed nave!!
Thou art a bootless beetleheaded footlicker!
Thou impertinent, boil-brained fustilarian!
Thou paunchy ill-breeding maggot-pie!
Thou art a fawning fly-bitten foot-licker
Thou Unmuzzled Fat Kidneyed Flax Wench!
Thou gleeking, clapper-clawed hedge-pig!
Thou mammering knotty-pated foot-licker!
Thou art a bawdy dizzy-eyed elf-skinned fat kidneyed dew berry flap-dragon!
Thou art an exact copy of a dizzy-eyed codpiece!
Thou art a
malevolent breaker of wind! and thy face hath such charms as to stagger
the charging beast!
A pox on thee thou shallow midden turd !
Thy mother be the issue of ye dragons arse, and thy father ye swines fart!
Thou art a
blibbering, swag-bellied scut!
dizzy eyed barnacle !
Thou art a Yeasty tickle-brained whey-face!
Thou pribbling milk-livered moldwarp!
Thou wayward son of a craven idle-headed foot-licker!
Thou art a yeasty beef-witted moldwarp and, by the by, may thou be plagued with reeky, pox-marked barin and a droning, beetle-headed harpy fer ye wife!
May thy codpeice and what little is therein fester and scab!
villianous rumfed maggot-pie!