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STORIES AND EBAY SALES
1 AN OLD LAND ROVER
SOME OTHER EBAY SALES WITH FUNNY STORIES
(RESPEK MAN YO MY SORT O HOMIE)
ORIGINAL LISTING BY BEANMASTERUK 23.10.2010
Below is a transcript of the auction which had 148,380 hits before Ebay pulled the plug and cancelled the auction
Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves
If you think you've saved enough benefit from your 4 children before your 20, this could be the answer to your prayers.
A proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Gran's idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal substances. you just ain't gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now I've made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your scrawny little backs already. Dig out yer favourite unwashed "Umbro" hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the "Street Pharmacist" and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket. Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer ugly chav kids and knowone'd see 'em. doesn't get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Gran's inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be impressed fella's. You know that they like a ride like this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and incomprehensible "Drum & Bass" Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9 parcel shelf will have them pregnant in no time. To complete the proper drug dealer look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted from the front to the rear. Finished in "Air Max" white it really doesn't complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about you. You'll also enjoy the totally pointless but
ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you didn't get where you are today by being helpful, did you? I'm quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of shit and look a complete prick. I'd much rather hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you've made it. cocaine and skunk selling is never
gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram's of smack or coke, but ideally I'd need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have folded one £20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier. For any female buyer I'm offering a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven't already got your "Tramp Stamp" that is.
If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in this. The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don't forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length of your manhood no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you in this "fanny magnet". You can almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STD's as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor.
For the disqualified driver I'll even offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO? Don't let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some
documentation from as little as fifty quid.
Nuff said, innit.
Q:Aiight bredrin duz it cum wi da blingin turbo whistler fingy in da rudeboi xhaust?
A:na man, me got it confiskated by da 5-0 4 been diss
Q: Had to say best writen ad for a CAR IN A LONG TIME WELL DONE DUDE
Q: RE. Tattoo Can ya do me boyfriend's (also farva of me ferd an forf pickny) name on me neck? (If not, I'd settle for the top of me arm, or across me beer-gut, in a celtic style)
Q: I say old chap, your charabanc looks absolutely spiffing. Does one know if one would possibly become attractive to those young fillies out there if one was to purchase it? I also think this would make an excellent weekend replacement for the roller, it would be much less conspicuous when I go out hunting skeezers whilst puffing on a woolah.
A:u is pizzin in da wind bro. me fink u like men..come out bro u safe.
Q: Love it. You should write comedy. Great knobber's car, wouldn't touch it with yours innit bro. 20-
A:it is, innit!
Q: how fast is it mr ?
A:quik as u like bro. quik as u like. See da 5-0 on da tellie
Q: the bollocks of a ad i want 10 for the local druggies round here
A:me only got da 1 bro, gutted
Q: Quality right up lol ..joking aside does the car have any mot & tax?
Q: Duz it av a massiv exhaust - like that me ome boyz could climb up - so big? If not can you nick me one from Alfordz innit and stick it on in the deal? Sweet wheelz fella - massive respec' from d Midlands innit.
A:d Midlands boyz ! you is safe. but it grim up norf init?
Q: wikked how spacious is the boot? would, for example, the low life shitbag who has started to undercut me on my turf fit in the boot? is it soundproof?
A:u is gettin boddy in boot bro but gonna need to dismember it 'cause me base box inda way..Me mate Alsta do it but he say it messy nd he wanna drink..
Q: Chavtastic me likes it!
A:GixaJax u is 'avin it large. me raise a tin ov rizla 2 ya
Q: brudda.........doz it av 'arry munk ' on de love rak ?..ite........cuz me no wan no marma mans carz...mez pure hetro........
A:no man. mez jaffa. bit ov spud wata dat me juile split doh
Q: i like the wheels though!
A:u bid u by! init.
Q: will you take a kilo of smack as payment??
A:mudda me wheels wurt more dan dat, u been cuttin it yeah?
Q: You my friend are a ledgend nice sale pitch
A:nuffer big shout from da hood to me man LiL
Q: LMFAO............RESPECT TO DA BEANMASTER
A:BIG shout to da volvo660_1 u is legend. but u wheels is shite bro..
Q: Im married and got another littleun on the way. As such i aint getting a good seeing to from the missus. If i bought this car would i be able to pull a chav bint that can suck golf balls through straws for the price of a couple of aftershocks?
A:Not as well as ur bitch. She good man. But lok afta me kid yo.
Q: Where's the bean can exhaust tailpipe or the standard fit ironing board on the roof?
A:Me lose it on mini roundbout but u find it off A4 slough man.
Q: ahahahah nice one!
A:RESPEK to da batty boys...
Q: would it be ok to pay with fake bank notes????
A:if day good bro, i ain't no squeal. Be safe.
Q: Oh my God thats hilarious! lol ever thought of taking up writing??? Brilliant :D
A:RESPEK to da caz yo!
Q: Respek Man on tha add, can you skin up that mutha for uz with real pukka 24"Gold/Chrome Bling-Bling Rimz, ma homies an me are lookin for sumin serios Bling for krusin the kings rued for pullin all thems serios fit white tottys there.
A:me hearin ya man! RESPEK
Q: heh heh heh,quality ad mate %100 hat off to ya,aint laffed this much fer ages................respect
Q: Quality, i aint laughed so hard for ages. innit bruv LOL
Q: i am 64years old can you get me some of the stuff you are on,i use to take the odd purple heart in the sixties.
A:64 init. u got pension bok u wanna sell? I give u a ounce 4 it cause me got plenty at mo. BigChimp rekon it wurf a 50 max. init
Q: Dat is a well cool ride homie bro. Dus it av da twin Strombergs, Billsteins and da spaks all round innit. Boyakasha. Big up respek.
A:Boyakasha! Boyakasha! Me hearin ya homeboy
Q: Has it ever been raced or rallied or the front wheels spun on the handbrake to burn out the plastic speedbumps outside MacDonalds?
A:me race, u kiddin me. It been ragged man. I keep up wid me cusz on is moped raund da one way systum EASY. init.
Q: Is it alrite to pay wiv the americun expres card whot came with my nu purse whot I nicked from M & S
A:na boffer wid dat. i aint sayin nuffin to da law
Q: yow geeze that is a slaming advert you got me. seriously this had me laughing for ages
Q: Look mate ill be straight wiv ya ive jus got out and all ive got is a black bag of mobiles i can't get he cash cos me dole dont come for anuvver 2 weeks any chance of a swap for the mobiles ? me missis is up the duff so i need sommat to get er down to sign on cheer geez
A:dat kiddie aint mine bro! tell ya missis i is took some protection. Me ad ma feet tied 2 da bed init
Q: Yerrite Beano, Ise still otanard fo dat Clito, got me Spas, got adds off effry bidda, gonna sort it all larj no prizners. Went wattaskiing on brown lagune in colnbruk, wiv ponsed TV pleece lornch, Megga jolly Yeh, fellin lookin lik pacman smellin of `eau da toillete` kameowt lookin lik batman & smellin of `odour toilet` Hoos dat Wayne Kerr on da bleedin `gloo` kweschin, dat muvva at pre-skool orwat? rispec to da MAN, GETDOWN yoo sadbad Duchypissa..Regae
A:u da baddist boy regaeman
Q: I say chap, that is my daughters car It was stolen from outside Marks and Spencers a week past Thursday. Felicity and I would be very happy if you would return our property to us (undamaged and with a full tank of fuel). If you will not comply then I shall have to inform the authorities. Kind regards Sebastian Howard.
A:woooaay dude!! Possesion is 9 tenths da law. it is my possesion now. Me own em wheels. felicity can work somin out wid me do. Is she fit? anywayz in wernt M & S me found it round da back NEXT but 'ad 2 cut da clamp of. She left some crap CD's init. Init
Q: Are you on the glue mate?
A:No man. me try smoke it but it stuck all over me Rizla.
Q: This is the best thing I have read all week!!! Superb.... :D
A:Big shout to da 2cvbloke. you is got wickd usernmae init
Q: BeanBlaster, Yoose now famis an larj, but street legind annat, Ise awe an umbel to smak da roil parm in up an down for Massif 15, rispec to da Marley off Maydined. Cort up wiv da muckafuvva dat blagged me noxxies an lef im wiv wiid open spases wer is jolliset yoosed 2 ang = `Nun is a majic numba` aka me Spas! me jooley cheked owt wiv 2 choobs jurex play an a rap of me best hayshun hemp las nite aynt belled bac, didshe big pantee partee wiv U bro?...Regae
A:u been on it Regae man!! Respek!! I is goin up town now 4 me goatee trim bro. olla ya L8er ma man..
Q: does it have glow underneath, or does i have to do it meself n'that
A:da brakes are bit iffy n somtime front discs glo a bit but me use andbrake instead.
Q: Do You Ship to Nigeria ? I'am paying by Western Union, I want to By this car for my pregnant 92 years old grandma... Regards Jan Peter Balkellende ( whahahaha...offcourse a not serious question....great eBay item, and SUPER Text respect ) greets Roger ( from the netherlands )
A:De Netherlands! Yo bro me been to hamsterdamn wid da boyz! is rockin init. Me smoke self silly wid all dem caffeys sellin da green. not like sayin me hard foldin for dem girls doh. Neil spent is 50 squid on 1st day and had nuffin 2 eat!
Q: utter classic... i wish i was 17 again !!!, does it have glowing lights underneath it ? cheers smudge
A:u is wantin underlightin bro. me talk to niel down da 'alfords, e sort em 4 ya but giv da man a drink 4 is effort
Q: aight blood. Wud der be enuff room in de back for me 4 kidz and me 3 pitbull mastiff lion tiger cross? dey once ripped open a can ov campbells extra thick chicken soup wid der own teef . Rock ard blood.
A:dee only dogs goin in ere is ma joolie init. And er sister cause she is well fit.
Q: LOL, this must be on every car forum going, Fantastic read...nice one!
A:cool. lets keep it goin!!
Q: Does it come with a blacked out windscreen?
A:wot windscreen bro!
Q: You are a star man . . . Love the add and the q's hope the feds dont see it thou rofpmsl
A:me too bro. the proverbial gonna hit the fan if day do!!
Q: This ad made my day!...classic...noticed the blacked out windows...seems a bit to small for a regular knocking shop!lol
A:I is gonna large em up 4 u
Q: Funny as hell, thanks for making us all laugh on a saturday morning at work, Holden Renault Sales Team.
A:Do you want me to write some of your adverts??? Will work on a no sale no fee basis!!
Q: Kwality ride bro!
Q: I say old chap, could I borrow your car for a few weeks. I have something going on with a Scottish chap called Brown and I think your motorcar will help enormously with my "street cred". I will return it after May 6th. I'm sure I can sort out a fiscal package for your inconvenience at that time. Many thanks. Dave. PS Could you throw in a couple of "Julies" for the boys in the office.
A:My Dear Mr Cameron. Anything to assist getting that one eye'd Scotish monkey out of government gets my vote! By all means borrow it. Use it as your election logo. you'll win all the hoodies over!!
Q: U iz rite Matt with iz grama wordz an dat. i is pruft iz ad 2, an e as got pozesiv apoztrafy afta STDs inall in it. is u a techer at skools an dat coz u is well cleva?
A:Teacher! Me doin da preachin round here honkey.
Q: ere geez ah reckon that motah is wurf about a monkey me old cocka ..but if i can persude me skin to part wif her hard earned [shes got heart and kidney disease, heart lazy and kidney be bothered]ill bid yer a bag o sand fir it ... if its got some rent on it and youll deliver it to me ..jog on son jog on seriously tho thats the most emtertained ive been on e bay since i left sarf est lonon lol nice on squirrel lol
A:oi, cockney boy. It's wurth more den them hammers!!
Q: You, sir, are a legend. Rarely have I laughed so much, especially on a dull, wet and dreary Saturday morning. Hat off to you!
A:Then my job is done!!
Q: THAT IS CLASS!!!!!!!!MPSL
Q: Alrite bruv, init kickin, sweet init. was u takin credit cards for payments i is also got 14 nokias init wiv and eye fone boooo blud i tell ya safe i just got to get me man jules to get them unlocked init. any way haw many credit cards you want bro
A:is take credit card bro, cloned or nicked yeah? Cupla switch cards wiv da PIn is cool bro. sort da nokkies we deal.
Q: Whyyyyyyy did u do that to ur clio? I hope you found it like that coz if my dad chavved up a car like that id be sick with embarrrassment....
A:don't think for one minute I did it!!
Q: This is ........pure gold! Thank you
A:Nice one dude...
Q: Funny ad, but it's "you're" not "your" you chav. Best regards, Matt
A:Thank you Mathew. Most helpful.
Q: any service history wid da motor geeza? Wots the mileage on it! Thats a phat ride, me Julie is most imprest wid it. Pease out homi. Good to see a like minded gangsta on ere, its all about da benjimans.
A:got service mystery ma man. Paer work n bills n shit yeah. miles is showin 64k
Q: esy bra if i buys this ride will i get all the julies after me init?
A:de julies be trippin up ya manor wiv dis set o wheels bro. Use is gonna get some serios hunnies
Q: ezy beanieman, Me got a couple ov Key's ov Meow landing this week & will do u a chop wiv da motor. Hold the shit the down till da Babylon make it illegal & you will coin in da dollars down the skool wiv da little bro's an loosen up all dem honeez at maccy d's. One toot ov that badboy N U B up 2 yo calvins in pum pum. I can lay u on a few g's tester 4 U & yo bitches. Westside!!!!
A:use & me sing ov da same him sheet bro! I is likein use n gettin me sum good vibe wid ya. Da busyz all oda me drum 'cuase me hommi got spun wid a pit a gear. He tell em it just a bit ov percy so no jail we gettin bail.
Q: Bro, as dis car bin HIV checked and does it got a over ed dipstick?
A:me not got no haitch iyy!!
Q: Yo big dawg me is likin da phat lowride tis well gangsta me homeboys wanna roll out innit. BIG UP CHIEF
A:u get me some paper & u gettin a ride in dem badboyz wheels
Q: I have to commend you Beanmasteruk. Thats one top class advert. Laughed my nads off to that and the questions,Hope it stays active so my ho`s can read too! :-]
A:u is biddin or messin bro?
Q: aye bludfire, im thinkin only fing missin is lexus lights!!!! dope ride tho mans tinkin of biddin one time! primedog
A:me step dad nickd his lexus lights back man. gutted.
Q: Mate, this actually had me pissing myself! How you came up with all of that I don't know but its a quality add if there ever was one!
A:Word up bro.
Q: Hello, I am very rich and come from a well to do fammily. My colleagues Giles ,Rupert and i wish to portray a 'street image'..and wondered whether you would allow us to visit your area and learn the ways of the underprivileged working class. I was wondering, should we also consider wearing the baggy trousers exposing our underpants as a further statement of 'street'.....I was most excited to read your statement that this vehicle has molecular properties which assist in pulling and attracting females. I have never had sex with a dirty working class girl....if i purchase your car pls would you make an introduction to some smelly girls from slough ..i understand they are all ill educated..and simply only know how to breed ..that excites us..Toodle pip..Regards Sebastian
A:seb bro, is u 4 real init!! u wantin ma bitches not ma ride init. I is get u a ho man and u hommies come down n chill in ma crib wid ya crew
Q: Beaniebro, Ise now Massif,Ise trooly Real agen, wun ma cagefite las nite,joey da budgie dont no wot hit im Yeh ! aslo I is groing megga rispec on Uchoob wiv `Puffd-up Prat totals trikd-up Matz` like faym or wot innit? Wun bad bruvver nicked me Noxxies las nite, but Ise scored 130 tax disks for DVLA reefund anna Spas 10shot taktickle Orto, any yoose on da Clito deal, Ma Mayn Blood ?...Regae
A:Regae u da man bro. we is awe bout ya'll. gutted 4 ya noxxies man. you be smokin some good shit bro, u need yer hed on a pilla n some chill pillz.
Q: Mate! Duz it av 1 of dem Tee Vee systemz in da dash? Any ram raid danage?
A:no ram raidin man, we use it for blaggin da coke machine at da sportcenta doh.
Q: Hahahaha, what a write up, Legend. Peace out bro "init."
A:sweet, man, sweet.
Q: alright bluud. Good pr man 7200 viewz, thats mega. Usually only get 700. should get loads a reddies.
A:is is gonna be holdin da foldin bro, you no it. RESPEK
Q: yes bruvvah! where boutz in da borough iz u lok8ed? I wud luv 2 chek dis bad boi out for real! do the stripez add an xtra 20bhp ye? Safe.
A:dem stripes me favorit. me got some on ma nokia communikcatorz as well
Q: Easi blud, isit cumming wid da big ezawst n shit init ?
Q: frightfully spiffing write up...will it be able to transport me to the Jeremy Kyle show for my DNA results , and are you prepared to participate in a lie detector test about the reliability of the car ?
A:i is not gonna tell no trueffs man. no way.
Q: This is probably the best description I've seen in my life. You are a legend!
A:4nshu you gotta big shout. av u still got me tenner cause me is gonna get funny 'bout it bro, you no wat i is meanin..
Q: love the add mate. well done
A:jimmytipping big high five 2 you an youz posse. safe man.
Q: I say old chap, one is looking for a nice auto for ones Mother in Law. Do you think this might suit the old gal? would there be a danger of her getting beaten senseless if she were to, by pure accident, pull into McDonalds car park, dont you know? If so, this could be the car for me...
A:she not get beaten. she get boned. bring da girl over. me is likein a MILF
Q: Bruv, I is intreste in da car. safe as fuk. any blim burns in da seats? if so can ya get me sum new ones from Neil? Fink i know neil, shifty lookin yoof?
A:1 or t0 blims butt me not smokin solid now yust da weed. Maybe a few seeds in da carpet doh. I c neil lastnite and we got proper mashed wiv bongs n everytin
Q: Yo Badman. Dem wheels is cris Av U got an addy so me n me bro's can hit your crib & check out da motor. Jus a few q's though. Is Da motor belled up? Has U got any ov dem CCTV tings at you gaff or any other sort ov security bizinezz & what time ov nite do U & yo bitches go asleep? BIG UP FROM DA BADBOUY HOOLIGUN TWOCKING MASSIVE
A:Me hearin ya'll. I is got bells & dogs blodd. Me not sllep wiv da bitches i is bonein' dem al night. Yo and youz crew not blaggin ma wheels from me manna. Dissin ma ride man.
Q: Geeza, ave u got a Bi it naaa I's desperate. Me bitch Joolie says by dis 4 me Winston & yoos can av me up me clacker. R dem seets crusty Elp me art Geez Winston
A:I takz a cuple ofz 9 bar, not soap, cuple ov henryies n sum skunk.
Q: Badbeanyman, Ma joolie sed she moist & ungry for ya sack offa dude, eefen gonna barf & shave er booty, Wot ya got goin wiv thees biches dude?,Iff I mak it 15 passpots wud ya cloo me ya nikka nolidge? Ise stil warkin,stil wet,Regae
A:not be wash hin da beetch. me want it as is. i catch ya on me cellula communikatea later bro, we bang out da deal. Big up. Get me some knockia 8800 wid da pastports dude
Q: Yo ride is well dope geez, an I reckon da front seat will fit my biatch like a glove....I already got a fiver cummin' outta da benefit for me tribe o' kids dat I av some'ow managed to build but I'm sure I can find another fiver a week from me dealin' on da side....howzat catch ya bruv........shout out for the 'astings massive, sick innit!!
A:'astins massiv big showtz from do hood in da 'f'boro. keep savin dem giro's man, & work dat beetch in da seet. it um up 'ard bro. bye da wey, met ur cuz on remand down feltham. good geezer. he get bail soon me hopez. RESPEK
Q: cuzzy, i was wonderin innit, wud u consider a swap for a bag one of my bredbins home grown plus a sick pair of kappa tracky b'z with all the popper buttons in tact? holla back one time. safe
A:juz maybe man. c ow tings go but goodupya 4 pukka deal. Real. init.
Q: Beaniedude, I is well made up but megga! Ya clito-shed is MUST, Me stretched & jacked Cat`A` Matiz just fallen off da phukn M4 after 7 wite litnins & a shooful of Meffs, Ise renda`d homless & credless wiv ma jooley pushin a weelie-bin in Izlwurf, tayk 11 bent passports for the renorokit ? Regae
A:YO YO man i is genyouin gutted 4 ya, so is ma hommies. You is had well bad luc init. I is always needin pastpot man. we get a deal 2geffer. i is wantin no pics on dem docs right. me make up ma own for da crew. bustin outta here, check up & head up, me respectin yaz. uze julie come stay at mi crib if she easy wid dat.
Q: wagwan breadbin, this ride is sick . . ! fings I need to no B4 I go robbin to get the paper to buy dis. . how mani miles dose it av on the handbrake-turnometer ? coz mi mate daz has a clio an he did a massive handbrake turn dat lasted bout a week and proper fucked his tyres up an nearli melted his rims ! an do you eva get any beef from tha 5-0 or guys wantin to jack ya an nick it ?
A:I got 60,000 mileages sayin on da clock, hard crusin round slough mostly. Been 2 amsterdam couple a 3 times and is well safe. Handbrkaes pukka, init. Woz on sky cops last munth doin 128 on da A4. Da 5-0 never cught me 'cuase I went frew da kiddies park. ma mate got compuota fing dat make it less miles if u want, but yo gotta sort him proper 4 dat. No one tried jacin ma weels but i is always carriyin, just in case, bro
Q: Felicity, the good lady wife, is hankering after "a bit of rough", and this fine vehicle looks just the job for attracting such a scalliwag. Is there a way of fitting a screen such that the rear of the car so that it not visible to Jeeves, our chauffeur, whilst she goes about her business?
A:I is 'erein wot u sayin bout ya Felicity. Is she fit? cos me an da crew fancie a doggin session wiv ya bitch. Bring er round da back ov da chippy 2nite bro and we chek er out
Q: Yo Ma Blood, Like Skwizit weels bro ! Bin finkin to moonlight wedins,foonrals an privat amblance shit wiv dat muvva,Ise aksin cud `neel da steal` score me a rack for da roof?, Dat way Ise puttin stiffies an stretchas on top an keepin bacseet for me an me minga to puff, hump & bang da laybys, rispec dude...Regae da Ringa
A:Booyakasha! Eyes gettin ya big muvva rack man. do wot ya gotta do. Keep it real.
Q: Skobble noodle vark, me old Franger - does the trev coolio the thrunge sproket or do I need to ole ole the biscuit barrel?
A:wot u smokin man? Me is wantin some as well. U is well mashed init.
Q: i is wantin px 93 nova 1.4 sr lambo doors, is rude ride, serious, with 7 pit/staff x pups? is it?
A:frankster man is in da howse. word up bro. wot u sayin man! I taugh u is lovin use wicked corsa man. SERIOUS wheels dare bro. You is gettin all da bitches wid dat ride. init. is it 16 valve bro? me is wantin big up me 'orse power. init
Q: is da enuf room in da back for me hommies and some stash of da ash...innit k m8..respect
A:use get more hommies in da bak dan u can trow a stick at. Big up homegirl. You is well fit. init.
Q: fuck brilliant
A:i is lovin it init. big shout & re spek goin outt to da brooxy10985 from da hood, bro. word up. init
Q: yo man dis car is proper SICK, wil U ship 2 mi couz jamal in africa ? he got nuff paper he can def afford the sickest rides. holla back bruv
A:couz Jamal wanna do a deal wiv some plants. Me needin more afrikhan ganja. Ride is well sick man, ya kno wat i is sayin
Q: Can you put a link to Bable Fish Translator please.
A:no, da babylon might suss man
Q: yer pulled me mate innit, id kep it if u wan some
A:nuff re spekt init. I is hearin ya
Q: Wicked init. I just hope the ebay police don't take the ad off before I send a link to all my mates.
A:Me too. I is needin some sov's so da motor gotta go.
Q: well put mate - brilliant!
A:You is gonna bid on me wheels init
Q: can i pay £5 per week out of ma benefit, willing to throw in my bitch, dog and ne thin else u fancy till paid up
A:I takin youse benyfit book for fiver week but want some pension books and dvd player aswell init. see wot you can blag to do a deal. Friday good for shopliftin so go work dem PC Woorld and Currys. Take off da sekuirty tag doh.
Q: I az got a pitbull that don't like fiting or nuffink. Would you konsi.. consed.. fink about a part x. its got burberry coats init and spikey collar and i've superglued its ears up to look ard.
A:dat wicked 4 yr dogg mate, init. As it got tat oo. I is well likein burberry init. Got some wicked D&G shades for da pup as well. Is it bitch cuse me wants an earn wiv its kitten fings if it a good breeder.
Q: Fookin brilliant write up mate,,,,, but you owe me a new keyboard as this one is now soaked in coffee and snot...... lmfao
Q: how much for the squiggled out numberplates....just what i need.
A:Day is special from my mate Neil at Halfords. He say tenner bag of crack and you is got yerself a pair bro. Wicked.
Q: DO I HAVE TO BE A CRACK HEAD TO OWN THIS AND CAN I PAY PART DODGY CASH AND A FEW SHAGS WITH ONE OF MY BITCHS THANKS WINSTON
A:You can be smack head or needle bro, I aint bovered, init. I take a bitch and some bent 20's if it helps. give ya £7 on a £20. No wot I mean bruv. Init.
Q: is there a towbar fitted,so i can hook up a trolley full of nicked stuff from Asda.???
A:man u is wantin towbar init. I'll sort one out tonight wen halfords is shut. My mate Neil works there and he'll frow one outda back door. init. Is u wantin twin electrics?
Q: Geeez, been finking abowt how to pay if i win it on my stepdads account. My lil sis has a piggy bank wiv a load of metal money, can I bring dat? Or me mate can do a couple ov fone boxes and pay wiv dem. Let us no mate. wayne.
A:Wayne. Geeza. Mush. Init. Large it up for me clio. I think I know ya sis, she owes me a score for dem pills last week. She aint gettin any more on tick now. Get yer step dads account details & my mate will screw his account proper wiv some wicked lexus rear lights for is Corsa. Init.
At this time it would seem that Ebay cancelled the auction although they said it would be kept going.
Original listing by an Autralian gentleman called hollywoodbigshot 15.01.2010
Please click on picture for full PDF view of advert
Below is a transcript of the Ebay sale
Since the loss of my Chinese
made minibike, pocket bike, kids motorbike, waste of money, I have been
busy planning the motion picture ďDestruction of a Chinese Pocket BikeĒ
starring the Yamaha Trike of Death. The film has been kindly funded by
Ebay member Joshfart who was the successful bidder on the bamboo framed
pocket bike. But donít think Iíve spent all my time on film making, no
way. Iíve also been out there scouring the world, or at least my
neighbourhood for cool but unnecessary items. And what a beauty I have for
some lucky bidder in this superb item.
Taken from www.mez.co.uk/lucas.html
Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke
Copt of the Lucas Wiring Harness smoke Ebay Item.
Have you inadvertantly let the smoke out of the wires on your classic British
car? This, then, is the solution to your problem!
Here is presented for your perusal one Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness
Smoke kit, P/N 530433, along with the very rare Churchill Tool 18G548BS
adapter tube and metering valve. These kits were supplied surreptitiously to
Lucas factory technicians as a trouble-shooting and repair aid for the
rectification of chronic electrical problems on a plethora of British cars. The
smoke is metered, through the fuse box, into the circuit which has released it's
original smoke until the leak is located and repaired. The affected circuit is then
rectified and the replacement smoke re-introduced. An advantage over the
cheap repro smoke kits currently available is the exceptionally rare Churchill
metering valve and fuse box adapter. It enables the intrepid and highly skilled
British Car Technician to meter the precise amount of genuine Lucas smoke
required by the circuit.
Unlike the cheap, far-eastern replacement DIYsmoke offered by the "usual
suppliers", this kit includes a filter to ensure that all the smoke is of consistent
size, It has been our experience in our shop that the reproduction Tiawanese
smoke is often "lumpy", which will cause excessive resistance in our finelyengineered
British harnesses and components. This is often the cause of failure
in the repro electrical parts currently available, causing much consternation and
misplaced cursing of the big three suppliers.
These kits have long been the secret weapon of the "Ultimate Authorities" in
the trade, and this may be the last one available. Be forewarned, though, that it
is not applicable to any British vehicle built after the discontinuing of bullet
connectors, so you Range Rover types are still on your own...
This Genuine Factory Authorised kit contains enough smoke to recharge the
entire window circuit on a 420 Jaguar, and my dear friend and advisor George
Wolf of British Auto Specialty assures me that he can replace ALL the smoke in
a W&F Barrett All-Weather Invalid Car(147 CC) with enough left over to test a
whole box of Wind-Tone horns for escaped smoke. How much more of an
endorsement do you need?
More, you say? Well, I once let the smoke out of the overdrive wiring on my
friend Roger Hankey's TR3B, and was able to drive over 200 miles home from
The Roadster Factory Summer Party by carefully introducing smoke into the
failed circuit WITHOUT even properly repairing the leak. Another friend, Richard
Stephenson, was able to repair the cooling fan circuit of his Series 1 E-type by
merely replacing a fuse and injecting a small quantity of smoke back into the
wires. So there!
So, if you're troubled by lost smoke, bid early and bid often! Thanks for looking!
Here's a few of the 70 of questions asked!
Q: I have a fourteen year old son named Lucas who I have caught several times in the back of the garage smoking. Can this item help him to respect a little firm parental intervention and aid him in smoking less .... Or even stop him altogether?
A: Part of the problem may be the fact that you named your son after the Prince Of Darkness. Mayhaps you should be happy that all you have caught him doing in the back of the garage is smoking! My suggestion is: since you already have spoiled him for life with his moniker, you search the 'Bay for a
proper little British car to restore as a father-and -son project. That way he'll have a way to fill the idle hours he'd have spent chasing girls had he been named Rocky or something more suitable. Plus he'll learn firsthand how disgusting smoke can be. Alas though not with this unit, because whilst trying to photograph it for a spread in "Popular Ether Technology" it was unfortunately broken. Therefore, the auction must be terminated early. Thanks for the heart warming interest.
Q: Once I have re-introduced smoke into my TR-2, do you warranty that it's system will resume operating at the speed of dark?
A: If you reintroduce the smoke through a microwave oven, you may even go back in time!
Q: I have been very diligent over the years and have maintained the smoke in my Sunbeam's wires The problem is that that special Lucas perfume has disappeared from the dash, carpets and seats. In fact, at the last Concours d'Elegance I lost out to a frogeye with period odors. Is the smoke in your kit fresh enough to bring back the OEM smells of burning plastic and bakelite and are you including an adapter to replace same.
A: No adapter needed, but have you tried just STARTING that overrestored trailer queen? It might bring back the aroma by itself.
Q: This has been a most informative thread which set me off thinking about wider global environmental changes that have happened since the mid 70's. Could it be that the copious release of smoke from Lucas wiring looms around that time has significantly contributed to the holes in the ozone layer and the onset of global warming? Could it be that, had your excellent device been more available at that time, we could have saved the planet for future generations instead of fighting a rear guard action? Hindsight is such a wonderful thing isn't it.
A: Hey- This is a serious site- we're not discussing "junk science" like Global Climate Change!
Q: I have a questions. For some time. My object is to restore a the few pre-Chrysler Rootes Sunbeam Tigers to original factory condition, with ALL the LAT racing options. So far, I have been quite successful, but unaware of your Lucas Smoke Kit. I am perplexed as to it's satistactory application to this original British Classic that Mr. Carroll Shelby has enhanced with a lot of Ford (USA) parts. This includes a large portion, but not all, of the electrics. It is very easy to differentiate between the Lucas Parts and the Ford Parts, as the Ford Parts still work. While we cn admire Mr. Lucas for the development of the intermittent windshield wiper, the self-dimming lighting system, and the colorful turn signal spark generator, it is unclear whether your offering wll work satisfactorily with so much of the electrics originating in the US. Is this device compatible, as the US parts do not show signs of leaking smoke?
A: The Lucas smoke may cause failure of the connecting interstices, but the, so will everything else.
Q: Maybe you can help me. I have an old generator that I have suspected of having a metaphysical ozone leak for several years. Itís one of those things I feel I know to be true but cannot prove. Anyway, through an ingenious marriage of a Sharper Image Ionic Breeze air purifier and a breast milk pump, (by the way, both were obtained on ebay) I have devised a way to recharge the ozone that I can smell leaking from the generator. But, you guessed it, when I disconnect the wiring to introduce the replacement ozone I invariably cause a smoke leak. Do you think there is a way to mate our two machines in such a way that I could ďkill two birds with a single stoneĒ Ė if you will.
A: That's just wrong.
Q: Can I use this device to replace the smoke in my Alfa Spider? Is Brit smoke the same as Italian smoke?
A: Only if it's pre-Bosch.
Q: Will this kit put back ALL the smoke in a 1975 Midget wire harness? Some time ago while driving our 75 Midget smoke began pouring from under the hood, after pulling over, smoke was immediately followed by flames. A HUGE amount of smoke was lost from the wire harness (10 minutes worth before the fire deparment showed up). Your jar appears to be too small to contain the volume of smoke produced by the Midget on that day. Please specify quatity of smoke. PS - Would you know where can get bulk replacment glue on insulation, there is none left on any part of the wire harness under the hood. The harness appears to be intact but is lacking smoke holding insulation. I'm planning on rerouting the main power buss from over top of the fuel line. This way next time I will have smoke, red hot wires without melting thru the fuel line. Thanks in advance.
A: You'll need bulk smoke, but I'd try your last suggestion before ordering any. Good luck!
Q: Is this setup on the "metric system" or can it be used universally? I have a MB 380SL but have replaced some of the wirings with U.S. products. Will your product make the transition? Also, are there any EPA imitations on shipping?
A: This setup is Whitworth only. sorry.
Q: As you may or may not know, the Japanese 'borrowed' heavily from British designs back in the 50's and 60's. In fact, the Skinner Union carbs on my beloved Datsun 1600 roadster were actualy built by Hitachi under license. Also, most of the electrical devises in early Datsuns were copied from Lucas.That said, do you know if an adapter is available to use the Lucas Kit you offer on a Datsun 1600 or do I need to keep searching for the Hitachi/Mitsubshi version? Thanks, Paul
A: It sort of worked in my Datsun 410 Station Wagon, but the lights all shined in instead of out. It was quite disturbing...
Q: Does this unit contain new or re-cycled smoke and will if my 1966 Triumph Bonneville motorcycle?
A: This is new, previously un-leaked smoke, as originally installed on your T-120. Have at it!
Q: Would this product fix the Miller dynamo on my motorbike? The smoke got out of it years ago and I am in despair. Having to run a total loss electrical system now. Please, no smart-alec comments about nothing to lose. I have been desparate for a cure for years and will jump at anything. I get so depressed. But I really liked your answers to all the questions. I learned so much. You must be smart. What are some good upgrades for my bike? Should I get a Boyer electronic ignition?
Q: It looks like a self contained, auto smoking, environmentally enclosed, smoke recirculation, multismoker bong I created in the late 60s. The only thing missing is the air manifold (from a fish tank setup) to hook up the individual smoking tubes. Are you sure you didnít get this idea from me, when we were smoking that wacky tobacco one time? ; > )
A: Could be. I can't remember.
Q: I have the idential part but needs the smoke refill cartage, i was told to ring 84433 3-33888444555 or speed dial 666 is that you?
A: No, that's that shop in Michigan.
Q: Do you have any idea if the kit will work on Alfa Romeos? My 1963 Giulia has bullet connectors, a Lucas windshield wiper motor, and a variety of other Lucas components. Earlier Alfas had lots more Lucas stuff, such as starter motor and generator, so I imagine it's more suited to them. On a different note, did Alfa's change from Lucas to Bosch signify the end of the of the 'Italian masochistic' era?
A: This will work with the Lucas portions. The Bosch change was a misbeggoten effort to work around the simultaneous Italian/British Stevedore Strikes of the early 70s.
Q: HI, JUST HAPPENED ACROSS YOU AUCTION. GREAT ITEM BUT I AM CURIOUS. I DO ARCADE GAME REPAIRS ON THE OLD UPRIGHT ARCADE GAMES. YOU KNOW, PACMAN, DEFENDER, DIGDUG? THE XY MONITOR TYPE GAMES SUCH AS BATTLEZONE, STARWARS OR TEMPEST ARE FAMOUSLY KNOWN FOR RELEASING THE X-Y SMOKE FROM THEIR MONITORS. WOULD THIS TOOL BE SUITABLE TO REINTRODUCTION OF MONITOR SMOKE. YOU SEE THE SMOKE IS READILY AVAILABLE ON EBAY BUT THE RECHARGE TOOL IS NOT AS ATARI QUIT OFFERING THEM YEARS AGO. THESE MONITORS ARE QUITE EXPENSIVE TO REPAIR WHEN YOU DONT HAVE THE PROPER SERVICE TOOLS. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS WOULD WORK OR WOULD I NEED AN ADAPTOR SUCH AS P/N 2FUB-1269-AR. THANKS.....FRED
A: Got me. I got my VIC-20 to run one game of "Hangman" with just a spritz, though.
Q: Enough, enough already! I cannot allow you to perpetuate this lowbrow fraud any longer! Anyone with any knowledge of Lucas products should recognize that the Lucas label art on the jar is wrong for this early version of the smoke kit. And of course, the lid should be black with the valve oriented 180ļ to the label. The smoke color itself is not original to the early cloth insulated wiring and perhaps even for the early plastic insulation. Bidders beware, this is most certainly a replica, and a poor one at that possibly from Taiwan. Additionally, the smoke replacement kit was meant to be used only by highly qualified personnel. The dangers of misuse are indescribable - certainly I can'tÖ, but the phrase "gone up in smoke" was born of this process.
A: Oh, yeah? well, in the interest of openness, I'm going to place your tirade on the site. That doesn't I like it, though.
Q: I wonder if you would do an exchange (with a cash adjustment in my favour). I have some bottles of 'bottom air' that was supplied by Dunlop many years ago. The advantage is that it takes up very little space as of course when you get a flat the top air in the tyre remains perfectly serviceable, it's only the bottom air that needs replacing. I will wait your reply. All the best from the UK.
A: If this is the proper bottom air for a set of 4.00X 10 Gold Seals, we may be able to work a deal. We have a '68 Moke in the shop with original rubber, and the domestic bottom air keeps migrating out. It evidently deoesn't have enough atmospheric British ambient smoke to fill the pores in the tyres.
Q: My brother Joe is currently (well last 8 years) working on a mini and he's never managed to get ANY smoke out of it yet. Would it be possible to use this kit to make some come out of other parts of the car - not just the wiring loom. I was thinking mainly about the exhaust...
Q: Geez, I wish I had seen this auction before I bought some "off-shore" smoke. I didn't realize there was some OEM stuff left. To make matters worse, I switched to synthetic smoke (yeah, I know) but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Unfortunately for my 72 Range Rover, I have not yet been able to fashion an effective bypass for the optional Fairey smoke pump which has recently failed. If only you could have made this item available earlier!
4 SELLING THE ARK ROYAL AIRCRAFT CARRIER
October 2010 Cameron & Cleggs big sell off
Coming soon. Harrier jets, Government buildings, National Forest, and many many more.
Full list of questions from potential bidders
Q: Hi,I am a American potential buyer,is this the original Ark Royal Ship? reason i ask is because i bought London Bridge thinking it was the Tower Bridge,also can you deliver it to Arizona for me??? my native Indian friend Tonto said he will sign for the delivery of it,thanx,Hank.
A: Yes not a problem , i also have the tower of London if you want it ??
A poem by Wegion that sort of sums it all up
Benbows days are over and our ships are almost gone
5 SELLING A QUAD BIKE
Another listing by Hollywoodbigshot 3 Feb 2011
Selling a Quad bike
Below is a transcript of sale
The Chinese can make some really tricky things, like hard drives - and soft shelled crab in ginger and garlic sauce. Why they chose to make quad bikes is beyond me though.
I have once owned a Chinese pocket bike, which is still here at my mountain hideaway awaiting destruction at the request of the Ebay buyer. As yet, I havenít found anything as worthless to risk in the destruction of it. Even my old mattock with the broken handle and missing head is too good to wreck.
So how the hell did I end up with another Chinese made motorised machine? Well, it was about 15 long weekends ago when I realised that the tribe making their way to my mountain hideaway for some holiday fun would not have enough vehicles to get around on. It was either let the kids ride my industrial fan around or buy something else with wheels and an engine. I didnít want anything too safe, otherwise I ran the risk of having someone go home without an injury.
So in one Trading Post induced buying spree, I went out and bought this satanic piece of plastic and cheap recycled metal. I even paid good money for it too.
Let me just say that Iíve seen my fair share of Yum Cha, and donít even knock back the chickenís feet (provided they wore shoes), but if my BBQ pork buns came around on one of these quad bikes Iíd turn my nose up at it. The stainless steel trolleys are far more sophisticated. This quad bike is an example of the punishment that we Australians deserve for insisting that every Chinese meal is served with prawn chips.
There are some good points to these quad bikes, but I canít really think of them at the moment. What I can recall though is how sheet it really was right from the start. It was as if someone had decided that they needed to cram $600 worth of technology into a quad bike but with a budget of $6.59 plus GST. This thing even had a remote control to start and stop the bike, the starting button was a placebo though. It also has lights, which only worked because light bulbs donít rely on the correct polarity to work. Iím not sure what the other thirty odd wires actually connected to, but whatever it was the bracket supporting it didnít even make it into the crate it was packed into.
You may notice that it has a sort of camouflage style bodywork. Handy if you ever wanted to hide out in a pool of diarrhea. The only place where this quad bike would be able to make use of the camo is when you take it to the sand dunes and thankfully lose it before someone gets to ride it.
The mechanicals are a piece of work too. Believe it or not, it has hydraulic brakes. Hydraulic brakes are good, far better than a cable made from Singapore noodles. However when the brake fluid is soy sauce, stopping on anything other than a sushi train becomes a problem. The engine looks mysteriously similar to a Honda motor, although without the luxury of any brand names cast into the side covers. It is also made from ducks tongues, which although a delicacy in China are not much good as conrods. The clutch plates, like many other plates are made in China, but unfortunately these ones contain more as best as (after two days of wondering why this listing didn't appear, I learnt that the real word for that old fashioned fibro was prohibited "eBay Note: This listing has been cancelled due to listing violation. See "My Messages" for more details.") than a Ď50s dunny. Fair dinkum, obviously their scanners don't see the humour.
I shouldnít be harsh, but I canít help it. I should take the view that you get what you pay for, but that too is wrong. Really, how can a Suzuki minibike cost as much to buy as a second hand Pulsar with less than 200,000 ks? They arenít worth that much. 70cc bikes should cost $700, 1300cc bikes should cost $1,300 Ė but then everyone would buy a Hayabusa and ride at the speed of sunset, almost light. What the Chinese should have done is met the market half-way and decided to sell things that look like the real thing at half the price, not a tenth of the price. That way they could have actually filled the wiring with copper instead of bamboo shoots.
You might wonder why the starting price is a little low considering the masterpiece that it is. Stop wondering because Iím about to tell you:
It was a hot sunny day here at the mountain hideaway. Some snotty kids from up the road decided to come over for some motorised adventures, so I handed out a few quad bikes and an old soap on a rope and let them go. Despite the full tank of fuel, I knew it wouldnít be long before someone walked back to me with one of those stupid faces on because their Chinese quad bike had packed it in after only 10 minutes. Luck is what I thought. Normally the plastic fuel tanks melt after putting anything other than hoisin sauce in them. So it was as I expected and five minutes into the adventure one of the kids came back and asked for a rope. ďRope?Ē I asked. Sure enough he had taken a wrong turn and rode his diarrhea camo quad bike into the dam. It wasnít under water, but it did get the plug lead wet and it took a whole pair of gumboots to get it out.
After pushing it all the way back to the workshop I decided to have a crack at getting it going again. Considering its value, and the fact that my time is worth at least $3.20 an hour on a Saturday, I spent just over six minutes trying to get it started. I got as far as removing the air cleaner and cranking it over, but that was it. The kid was left to sulk about the fact that all the other kids had at least gotten to blow their quad bikes up after 12 minutes.
Now it has become a trip hazard and Iím really keen to see it go to a good home. It could be useful as a project for someone who likes turning water into wine, or perhaps just getting this thing going. I think it probably only ever ran for a few hours in its whole life, which is enough to explain why all the bodywork is as cracked as a Chinese take-away container after two trips through the dishwasher.
Donít start thinking that youíll just snap this thing up at a bargain price and jump on the internet and download workshop manuals. These things donít even have a brand name. In fact, they change their names quicker than the email address of the Nigerian guy that still owes me $120,000,000 for helping him out with my bank details.
Donít think youíll be able to buy another one for spares either. The factory that made these things was built on such shonky foundations that every hole drilled in the frame is in a different location for the sixty seven million they made that afternoon shift. Your best bet would be to stuff around with this one for a while and learn a valuable lesson: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is a Chinese quad bike. Without venturing to the local landfill, I think this quad is one of a kind, a bit like a taxi with headlights which are actually aligned correctly.
By the way, it doesnít have any gears. It was designed to be simple to ride, not simple to keep running. And yes, that is a wasp which has filled the exhaust with mud.
Pickup is from my mountain hideaway, between Newcastle and Taree, somewhere.
Question and Answers
SELLING A 32inch JVC TELEVISION AND STAND
PDF OF ORIGINAL ADVERT
Below is a transcript of advert
This is my ex girlfriendís TV and TV Stand. I am selling them, as she no longer lives in my house. She accidentally fell into bed with Steve the other week.
Steve is not me.The TV was used previous in her private ďTV roomĒ; one especially allocated so she could curl up and watch ďAmericas Got Essex Come TalentĒ privately. Now, she doesnít have any rooms allocated to her. This is because she now lives with Steve.
Steve lives in a one-bedroom rental that smells of horse and bottom.The TV, stand and remote come sold together as a neat package, very much like my girlfriend, her deception, halitosis and unsightly thumb wart.
The remote is an ingenious device that allows the television picture to come on but also off. You can choose either. This provided much pleasure for my gibbon of girlfriend who would marvel for hours switching it on and off claiming it was magic.woefully the TV does not have HDMI, which is, agreeably, a compromise by todayís standards I know; much like, oh, letís say, living in a one-room-pigsty-slum-hovel-hog-parlour with a disastrous looking man.
The standís legs are aesthetically finished in chrome and thankfully do not make small children point, run away or vomit.
This 32-inch JVC classic is presented in grey, which is Steveís favourite colour but it is also a colour reflecting the true joy I wish them both as they start their life together in their cosy mutant burrow.
There is an array of channels that the television can pick up such as One, Two, Three, Four and also additionally Five. Five is also the number of male friends my ex can pick up on Facebook; every ten minutes.
The TV also has an Aux channel, which is a complicated channel you can play games on such as Sonic. She thinks Sonic is real, and I once caught her in the garden at night calling him with a bowl of milk.
The buyer will collect the item in person from Swindon from a neutral address. This is because my current home is being forensically cleaned in an attempt to prevent the inhalation of warts via airborne pathogen.
Swindon incidentally is a town in England. Early colonists of Swindon in the 1800s were originally en route to live in Bristol because it's cool but mid-way on the journey the horses got tired and refused to move any further than Junction 15 of the M4. The first shops followed in 1840 and now Swindon has proudly progressed into a modern, up and coming town; with both a Boots and a handy Halfords.
Q Hi there...I wonder if it has all the channels, remembering your watch had the numbers 3, 6 and nine missing, I am worried I can't get babestation on and that is a documentary not to be missed....Do you have any pics of your ex girlfriend in the nakk for sale I wonder? You have cleaned the stand, I take it? Many thanks.
A Hello eBay user and inquisitive human soul, Yes the items have been cleaned as per the description, and I can confirm that the TV does come with all mod-cons including the recently launched Channel 5. This is a commercial channel, which is free provided you can pick it up in your part of the country, it will be rolled out nationwide shortly. It plans to be a channel to rival ITV and Channel 4 and show very different programmes and high profile content. I am sure it will be an enormous success and broadcast many flagship shows we will remember for a lifetime. I have heard about the documentary you speak off, it speaks of these poor destitute women who were captured by evil forces and forced to have phones grafted to their hands. The evil forces also made them all have wobbly legs, hard hair and horrific pants and shoes. During their capture they were forced to unlearn any microphone technique and start and finish every sentence with "guys". I really wanted to watch it again too, as last time I saw it they were looking for a cure for that ridiculous phone shaking tick they all have.
Q YOU ARE MY HERO!
A And you are mine.
Q Hi Do I take it that a reconciliation is out of the question?
Q Are you going to sell any other items that have belonged to this scarlet woman? Or have you burnt them all?
A This is the last auction in the current series, although we will be back in the spring after the "try'ard" stigma has died down and the wit has been restored.
Q hey there...just wanted you to know this made me laugh so much........and I am a girl!!!......wish I was nearer so I could bid and win and shake your hand!!!!....lol
A I would be happy to shake your hand, provided you do not have leprosy, if you do, this too is OK, as are all inflictions, preferences, colours and tastes, but I may just wear gloves.
Q Hope your cat on mend, aww bless, does this mean wateva the tv goes for is goin to cats protection charity. best wishes
A Yes I will be posting verification on my @boogieandcookie Twitter that the winning amount went to the lovely catty creature charity.
Q Having seen your previous listing for the pop watch that the warty hag bought for you, I believe ebay ended it early, can I ask if you are willing to do a deal on both the watch and the TV? My own warty hag would appreciate the TV and I have a limp wristed friend who appreciates iffeminate watches.
A I am sorry about your friends wrist accident, I do hope the ligaments return to normal usage in due course. The watch has been purchased by a rather nice man in Hampshire with normal wrist function, but the TV is still for sale
Q hello boogieandcookie ,, which is you ? , do you own the actual tv ? as , if i win it i don't want to be picking the item up , and have to face your scabby ex bird and her new , aromatically challenged , bloke , and have to endure a custody battle in the street , wouldn't want onlookers to think a riot was about to kick off ,, please advise ,,regards , steve
A "Riot" Topical indeed kind sir, thank you for your email. I do own the TV and it will be at a different location as stated in the above description. The previous owner only part owned the item as when it was purchased it was purchased by myself. According however to the holy scriptures when a man purchaseth an item for his woman, then she hath own that item and all other items previously owned by the man automatically by virtue. In this case however as the transgressor hath allow herself to be thrust upon by a third party several times this then normally voids the rule of ownership.
Q have you cleaned the remote? i don't want to get thumb warts
A Yes Chemtech visited the property after she left, I commissioned a team of 11 who, wearing chemical cleaning suits, visited the property to clean all items she may have come into contact with, sadly only 10 left the property, but overall it was a success to put your mind at rest.
Q There is nothing wrong with the smell of horses, however I do prefer to keep the aroma in the stable with the horse. Or is it Steve who gives off the Eau d' Cheval?
A Thank you for your email. Being exact it is a cross fuse aroma between horse and bottom. It is hard to note the originating host as some people's houses do smell but they do not. In this case though it might be him as when I shook his hand the aroma was left on my hand rather like when you stroke a smelly dog outside ASDA.
Q Hi never laughed so hard in my life anyhow i bidded an amount so you can go for a night out with some mates get hammered pull something else she sound like a moose
A Tut tut, you have much to learn my good fellow. Women do not get "pulled" this notion disgusts them, they do on the other hand if it suits them allow you to "pull" them. There is a very big difference. A woman is able to know if she will allow "pulling" several months in advance. Within speaking to you for ten seconds the female mind is able to calculate your net worth and what date and exact time you will be allowed to perform your allocated intimacy with her. In this split second the woman also is able to calculate the "opportunity cost" of the above, or in other words, the cost to you for the opportunity of taking up her valuable time. For instance a postman or man with normal job has to spend a larger percentage of his annual salary on gifts, surprises, travel and subsistence and hotels, than a footballer for instance who can often procure intimacy for a packet of crisps and a Twix.
Q If i win this bid ,do i need a passport to travel to Swansea ... I am in London ?
A I am pleased to hear from someone who lives in the be all and end all city of London. How is that going for you? I bet you have been enjoying this weather, sunbathing on those vast expanses of grass you have there. Maybe taking a boat out on that calm and idyllic river you have, everyone is so friendly, I do envy you. It is actually in Swindon which is not Swansea, but let us not split hairs, its just another country with it's own language. That said these two towns do share a similarity in that the residents can still get to work in London before you.
Q This is absolute poppycock of the highest order. Horses are not even allowed on the M4. They would have taken the A4 and would therefore (luckily) have missed Swindon completely and ended up in Chippenham. I hereby conclude that this TV is, therefore located in Chippenham. Good day.
A Hello dedicated eBay user and thank you for your kind observation. Whilst you make a reasonable point you are mistaken, but it is an easy mistake to make. Everyone knows that the M4 was actually created in 1453AD. It was ordered by Emperor Skodia Octavia as a settlement for his wife Julius O Maximus Bottimus. The legend tells of how Emperor Octovia and Julius were conducting a rather difficult divorce settlement where she had requested either ownership of all the Emperor's Gold, and also the Black Sea for weekends, or as an alternative an enormous road; a feat that she cunningly knew the Romulans would not be able to achieve. But he was determined to keep his gold and out of spite he decided to build the road afterall, but, he made sure it traversed through the most evil and ugly provinces in the land. He also ordered his Romulans to ensure the road was without interest, curve or feature. She was devastated but had to accept the road as legal settlement. Nothing much in the scriptures about Chippendale though.
Q Sonic isn't real??????