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STORIES  AND EBAY SALES

1     AN OLD LAND ROVER
2     EBAY
3     SELLING AN OLD LAND ROVER  
4     SELLING WHEELS AND TYRES
5     A NEW JOB AT THE FUNERAL PARLOUR
6     SELLING VIDEO CAMERA
7     MY BIRTHDAY TODAY
8     WITCHERY PART ONE
9     SELLING CANVAS HOOD
10   WITCHERY PART TWO
11   SELLING CARAVAN HITCHDRIVE 
12   WITCHERY PART THREE
13   SELLING RATCHET STRAPS  
14   WITCHERY PART FOUR
15   SELLING GOAL POSTS  
16   WITCHERY PART FIVE
17   SELLING A HI VIZ COAT
18   WITCHERY PART SIX

19   SELLING 3 TONNES OF CLAY    
2O  WITCHERY PART SEVEN
21   SELLING A WHEEL CLAMP
22   SHOPPING AND THE HESITANT DOORS
23   SELLING AN OLD PAIR OF BOOTS

24   THE REAL DE VINCI CODE

25   MY GUITAR AND AMP

26   SELLING MOTORBIKE PANNIERS

27   HALLOWEEN

28 SELLING A HIGHWAY CODE

29 ZEN AND THE ART OF  LAND ROVER MAINTENANCE

30  SELLING A CIGARETTE LIGHTER AND A TRIP TO SCOTLAND

31  CHRISTMAS LIGHT RAGE

32  METAMORPHOSIS

33 SELLING AN AMBER BEACON

34 THE UNIVERSE IS A  BIG PLACE

35 SELLING A  BLOW LAMP

36 SELLING BOOTS UPDATE

37 SELLING A  TORCH

38 SELLING A MOTORBIKE JACKET

39 SELLING A POWER JUICER

40 SELLING A HORSE WHIP

41 THE BOAT

42 SELLING LAND ROVER SIDE STEPS

43 SELLING A  TOW / RECOVERY CHAIN

44 SELLING LAND ROVER BULL BARS

45 SELLING THE FOGGYDAVE CARRIER BAG

46 CARAVAN RAGE OR AGINCOURT DEUXIEME PARTIE

 

 

 

 STORY 18      WITCHERY PART SIX

 SPELLS ON THE COUNCIL  

Where my dearest utilises the abundant power of natures garden  to thwart the evil plans of  the parish council 

 

In this world big business and political power will win in any fight over the general populace. They win because they have money, money to pay for lawyers, judges and police. The corrupters  always have the power to corrupt from the proceeds of their own corruption, and there will always be those willing to take the easy path to money and power. These people owned the physical man made world, and so my wife would take the battle to the opposite, calling forth the forces of nature and its abundant garden, pure and unpolluted. The knack was to know what to pick and what to leave in the ground. 

A lot of my wife’s witchery was not her power to summon the other side, but knowing and appreciating Mother Nature on this side, most ailments and ills have a natural cause and the healing is normally a natural remedy, a bit of a Ying and Yang thing. What my wife was really good at was theatre, or the art of making people think that what they were seeing was wonderful and awesome, when in fact it was a normal event staged to look that way.

 And so the witches and acolytes spent many hours bent over hot cauldrons, boiling untold bits of animals and roots, chanting rhymes and dirges to bring down pestilence and plague upon these people. What in fact they were doing was to use ordinary hedgerow plants to infect people with warts, boils, and many more skin ailments. When the coven had gone home my wife and Bernard mixed the potion in with tubs of best Beluga Caviar bought cheaply off EBay. They were then parcelled up and labelled  to all the WI and council members. Caviar is an acquired taste (I hear), and so those who liked it would eat it, and those that had not eaten it would speculate what it tasted like and have to try it. Also when served at parties even if you loathed the stuff you had to eat it just to look aristocratic. So the caviar was hand delivered by Bernard who made a point of telling all the recipients that they were chosen from a list of many thousands, as having the taste and breeding to appreciate this fine gift.   

 Many scams play on the fact that people want to feel special or “chosen”. This manifests itself in many ways from the Time Share touts scratch card where “YOU” are the lucky one to win a chance of a lifetime, (just come with me and sign your life savings over). To the Readers Digest saying you have been chosen amongst all the people on the list to receive blah blah. So it was with the caviar. Those not in the know ate it with steak and chips and with cornflakes; those in the know ate it delicately as it should be (apparently). What was important was that they ate it.

My beloved toxic pickle mistress sat back and waited.
After a few days a lot of very affluent and powerful people developed the most unusual skin rashes, eruptions, warts and various virus and plague type symptoms. Plus that thing most dreaded by any sales man Halitosis. The queues at Dr Singh’s were long with
bloated angry patients wanting to know why his medications were not working, whinging that had they gone to BUPA then all would have been well, and what was the National Health coming to. Dr Singh on the other hand was highly delighted at their discomfort and pain, as he also paid a levy to these bandits.

 Whilst this was going on the elections loomed ever nearer and candidates were out canvassing on the doorsteps. All many of the electors could remember about the candidate was of a not very well person who seemed to be suffering from most of the skin ailments known to man standing on their doorstep in a fug of bad breath, not an ideal election platform to say the least, My dearest on the other hand fielded candidates all freshly scrubbed and shining, deodorised and breath fresh, whom in a perfumed fug won the hearts and minds of the electorate, despite having no policies to speak of.
Election Day came and it was a landslide victory for the wife’s candidates who stood together in a perfumed smiling group whilst the festering losers stood; looking dejected in the corner, shunned by all the populace. Some had given them bells and told them to shout “unclean” and ring it should they meet them in the street.


Next on the agenda was the WI whose activities had been severely hampered by the loss of their political wing.

Copyright © David B Forrester 2008