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PREFACE 

STORY UPDATE NEWS AND EBAY LISTING

 

GENERAL ITEMS
FOGGYDAVES CANTENNA 
THE EVIL OVERLORD LIST

THE EVIL MINIONS GUIDE

OTHER EVIL/ HERO  GUIDES
A FEW VERSES 

NAMES I CALL MY WIFE & SHAKESPEAREAN INSULTS

COLLECTIVE NOUNS FOR ANIMAL SPECIES

SOME OTHER EBAY SALES WITH STORIES

THE REAL MEANING OF HAYNES MANUAL INSTRUCTIONS

SALAD FINGERS

TOMTOM SATNAV SAG BLUES

 

KITE MAKING PAGES

REVOLUTION KITE MAKING

 

CONTRIBUTIONS FROM READERS

STORIES BY HATTYMENDER  

STORIES BY HELEN WORRELL

 

STORIES  AND EBAY SALES

1     AN OLD LAND ROVER
2     EBAY
3     SELLING AN OLD LAND ROVER  
4     SELLING WHEELS AND TYRES
5     A NEW JOB AT THE FUNERAL PARLOUR
6     SELLING VIDEO CAMERA
7     MY BIRTHDAY TODAY
8     WITCHERY PART ONE
9     SELLING CANVAS HOOD
10   WITCHERY PART TWO
11   SELLING CARAVAN HITCHDRIVE 
12   WITCHERY PART THREE
13   SELLING RATCHET STRAPS  
14   WITCHERY PART FOUR
15   SELLING GOAL POSTS  
16   WITCHERY PART FIVE
17   SELLING A HI VIZ COAT
18   WITCHERY PART SIX

19   SELLING 3 TONNES OF CLAY    
2O  WITCHERY PART SEVEN
21   SELLING A WHEEL CLAMP
22   SHOPPING AND THE HESITANT DOORS
23   SELLING AN OLD PAIR OF BOOTS

24   THE REAL DE VINCI CODE

25   MY GUITAR AND AMP

26   SELLING MOTORBIKE PANNIERS

27   HALLOWEEN

28 SELLING A HIGHWAY CODE

29 ZEN AND THE ART OF  LAND ROVER MAINTENANCE

30  SELLING A CIGARETTE LIGHTER AND A TRIP TO SCOTLAND

31  CHRISTMAS LIGHT RAGE

32  METAMORPHOSIS

33 SELLING AN AMBER BEACON

34 THE UNIVERSE IS A  BIG PLACE

35 SELLING A  BLOW LAMP

36 SELLING BOOTS UPDATE

37 SELLING A  TORCH

38 SELLING A MOTORBIKE JACKET

39 SELLING A POWER JUICER

40 SELLING A HORSE WHIP

41 THE BOAT

42 SELLING LAND ROVER SIDE STEPS

43 SELLING A  TOW / RECOVERY CHAIN

44 SELLING LAND ROVER BULL BARS

45 SELLING THE FOGGYDAVE CARRIER BAG

46 CARAVAN RAGE OR AGINCOURT DEUXIEME PARTIE

 

 

 

 

STORY 34  THE UNIVERSE IS A BIG PLACE

The universe is a big place, bigger than a very big thing on wheels. It is infinite in its infiniteness.

SIZE

We live on a planet that is revolving at nearly a thousand miles per hour, (mph). Which in turn is going around our star, (the sun) at sixty seven thousand mph. Our star is in a small spiral arm of a galaxy called the Milky Way, which itself is spinning at forty thousand mph. While it is spinning the galaxy as a whole is moving through space at over a million mph. We are one of many galaxies in our neighbourhood and all are rushing towards a structure called the Great Attractor, a region of space roughly 150 million light-years (one light year is about six trillion miles) away from us. This Great Attractor, having a mass 100 quadrillion times greater than our sun and span of 500 million light-years, is made of both the visible matter that we can see along with the so-called dark matter that we cannot see.

The Milky Way Galaxy


There are approximately four hundred billion stars in our galaxy, the Milky Way, which is one hundred thousand light years across and a thousand light years thick. There are millions upon millions of other galaxies in the universe each containing hundreds of billions of stars. The universe is at least one hundred and fifty six billion light years across. In its infiniteness there are probably millions of other universes
 


TIME

The universe is fourteen billion years old.

The Earth is 4.5 billion years old.
Let's compress all of earth's 4.5 billion years of history into a single year, such that the earth would have first formed on January 1 of this year, and the present -- the here and now -- would be represented by the stroke of midnight on the last day of this year, December 31. On this scale of time the first primitive microbial life forms appeared on earth in late March, followed by more complex photosynthetic micro organisms in mid to late May. Land plants and animals emerged from the sea in mid November, and the first mammal drew its breath  December 2. Dinosaurs appeared on earth on the morning of December 13, but then disappeared forever on December 25, at 7:30 p.m. Coincidentally, or not, just a moment before, a six-mile-wide asteroid hit the earth near the Yucatan peninsula and plunged the earth into what some scientists have described as a thousand years of winter's hell.
Human-like creatures appeared in Africa sometime during the evening of December 31, around dinner time, maybe 6:30 p.m. or so. Homo sapiens appeared on earth at about five minutes to midnight on New Year's Eve, in the midst of the last great ice age.  from 15 seconds to 10 seconds before midnight on the 31st Rome ruled the Western world. Columbus landed in the New World three seconds to midnight, and the British Empire was won and lost in the last second before midnight, at the end of this eventful year.
In the year I just described, all of recorded human history would have occurred after 11:55 p.m. on New Year's Eve. For these five brief minutes before midnight, representing the last 50,000 years or so.

                                               AND ALL THIS HAPPENED JUST---------
 

-------So that my son could sit on his backside all day thinking the universe revolves around him.
Was it worth it I ask myself? I would not mind so much but his doting mother reinforces his believe on a daily basis. WHY? Because that's what mums do. And do you know what????? Grandparents are even worse


DO NOT BE DOWN HEARTED

In the year I just described, all of recorded human history would have occurred after 11:55 p.m. on New Year's Eve. For these five brief minutes before midnight, representing the last 50,000 years or so, human beings lived in harmony with the land. And with so few people around for most of these 50,000 years, any environmental damage or insults to nature that occurred happened only on a very local scale, and most environments were able to recover. But today, and for the past 100 to 200 years, we know that the human influence is being felt on a much grander scale and attention has focused on concerns about the global environment. The positive thing we must take from this lesson is that if we as humans are wiped out it is only 50,000 years of the 4,5 billion that are affected. And 50,000 years after our extinction we may be back, this time having three legs and four eyes. Who knows? What is definite though is that the lessons learnt over the last 50,000 years will be forgotten, therefore we can do it all again. What fun that will be. Bags I come back as a woolly mammoth.

 

I have been looking for web sites that give a pictorial representation of the evolutionary timescales if anyone knows a good one please let me know.

----------------------------------

23.04.2010

A kind reader has sent me this time line that compresses Earths history into one year of our time. I still find it impossible to imagine the time scale

 

Billions of years EVENT Year date Time
4600 Earth formed from planetary nebula Jan-01 00:00
3900 Inferred origin of life (first cells) Feb-25 16:41
3800 Oldest age-dated rocks on Earth Mar-20 13:33
3600  Fossil blue-green algae and stromatolites (prokaryots) Mar-20 13:33
3250  First fossil evidence of bacteria  Apr-17 21:54
2100 First fossil evidence of cells with a nucleus  Jul-17 21:54
1500 First multi-celled organisms (seaweed and algae) Sep-03 15:39
670  Oldest marine worms and jellyfish Nov-08 16:35
600 Vendian period begins: Edicarian fossils  Nov-14 06:15
544 Cambrian system begins  Nov-18 17:11
515 Burgess Shale organisms: first animals with a backbone Nov-21 00:34
505  Ordovician system begins Nov-21 19:40
505 First fish Nov-21 19:40
470 First fossil evidence of land plants Nov-24 14:30
438  Silurian system begins Nov-27 03:36
430  First vascular land plants Nov-27 18:53
414 Oldest lung fish fossils  Nov-29 01:26
408 Devonian system begins Nov-29 01:26
408 Oldest fossil evidence of mosses  Nov-29 12:53
385 First insects (beetles), scorpions, and centipedes Dec-01 08:49
380 First lobe-finned fish Dec-01 18:21
375  First land animals (amphibians)  Dec-02 03:54
370 First sharks Dec-02 13:27
365 First seed plants (ferns)  Dec-02 23:00
360 First possible reptiles  Dec-03 08:33
330 First possible reptiles  Dec-05 17:50
320  Pennsylvanian system (Kentucky coal) Dec-06 12:56
286 Permian system begins Dec-09 05:51
260 Sail-backed reptiles (Dimetrodon) Dec-11 07:30
245  End of Paleozoic, 96% of all life on Earth perishes  Dec-12 12:09
245  Triassic system begins  Dec-12 12:09
240  First crocodiles Dec-12 21:42
228 First dinosaurs (Eoraptor and Saltoposuchus)  Dec-13 20:37
221 First mammals (shrew-like)  Dec-14 09:59
210 First turtles  Dec-15 06:59
208 Jurassic system begins  Dec-15 10:48
195 Dilophosaurus, an early Jurassic dinosaur  Dec-16 11:38
155 First bird, Archeopteryx  Dec-19 16:01
152 Apatosaurus and Brachiosaurus (long-necked) Dec-19 21:44
150 Allosaurus, (meat-eating dinosaur) Dec-20 01:33
148 Stegosaurus, (plate-backed dinosaur) Dec-20 05:23
144 Cretaceous system begins Dec-20 13:01
115 First flowering plants Dec-22 20:24
82 Duck-billed dinosaurs (Maiasaurus) Dec-25 11:24
80 Protoceratops (first dinosaur eggs discovered) Dec-25 15:14
75 Triceratops  Dec-26 12:46
70 Tyrannosaurus rex and Velociraptor Dec-26 10:19
65  End of Mesozoic, probably meteor or comet impact Dec-26 19:52
65 Tertiary system begins  Dec-26 19:52
64 First ancestors of dogs and cats  Dec-26 21:47
60  Grasses become widespread Dec-27 05:25
57 First ancestors of pigs and deer  Dec-27 11:08
55 First horses (Eohippus) Dec-27 14:58
45 First ancestors of rabbits  Dec-28 10:04
39 First monkeys  Dec-28 21:31
4 Oldest human like ancestors (hominids) Dec-31 17:18
2 Quaternary system begins Dec-31 18:56
1 First of four ice ages Dec-31 22:05
1 Oldest direct human-ancestor fossil, Homo habilis  Dec-31 23:02
1.1 First modern man, Homo sapiens  Dec-31 23:48
1.05 Mammoth and mastodon bones, Big Bone Lick, KY Dec-31 23:54
228 years Revolutionary War  Dec-31 23:59
63 years World War II Dec-31 00:00
 

 

Here is another one based on the 24 hour clock

Here earths history is compressed into a single day
 

EVENT TIME
Life on Earth 04:10
Eucaryots  13:02
Metazoans 17:44
Chordates  21:03
Phanerozoicum 21:10
ORDOVICIAN 21:27
Land dwelling plants  21:31
SILURIAN  21:41
Land dwelling animals 21:46
DEVONIAN  21:49
Semi-aquatic vertebrates  22:07
CARBONIFEROUS  22:07
Reptiles 22:13
PERMIAN  22:26
TRIASSIC  22:41
Dinosaurs  22:46
Mammals  22:49
JURASSIC  22:57
Birds  23:14
CRETACEOUS  23:14
PALEOCENE  23:39
EOCENE  23:42
OLIGOCENE 23:49
MIOCENE  23:52
Common ape-human ancestor  23:57
PLIOCENE  23:58
PLEISTOCENE   23:59:26
Homo sapiens (165.000 years)  23:59:56,9
Out of Africa (100.000 years)  23:59:58,1
Homo s. sapiens (35.000 years)  23:59:59,3
Extinction of neanderthals (25.000 years)  23:59:59,5
HOLOCENE  23:59:59,8
Oldest civilizations (3.500 years)  23:59:59,9
Industrial revolution (250 years)  23:59:59,999 ?
 

Copyright David B Forrester 2009

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