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KITE MAKING PAGES
CONTRIBUTIONS FROM READERS
STORIES AND EBAY SALES
1 AN OLD LAND ROVER
STORY 36 SELLING BOOTS UPDATE
AN UPDATE FROM STORY 23 SELLING A PAIR OF BOOTS ON EBAY
For original sale of boots on Ebay see Story 23
I have just had a letter from the person I sold the boots to. He runs a theatrical props agency and placed my boots in his stock.
He has emailed me to say that they are to appear in a production called Big Boots. This is a film about an orphan girl who is given cast off clothing including my boots, which, although far too big are worn throughout the film as the little orphan girl shuffles in the boots from scene to scene dragging them from one adventure to another. After many exciting scenes she finally ends up marrying a count whom she saves from certain death by lending him her boots to help him drag his bathing hut over a shingle beach to the sea and drag it back again. They both die on the way back from the wedding when their carriage runs into a brook at the side of the road
So it’s a sort of drags to ditches story then?
Yes you could say that…… Hey I tell the jokes!!!
The boots though are the only thing to survive the horrific accident, and they are already talking about a sequel ‘Das Boot 1’ where they team up with a pair of German boots called Jack who are very stern and have little sense of humour but have walked over Europe and both have an adventure on board a submarine before the British boot defeats the Jack Boot with a plate of Bangers and Mash
And here is me thinking they were going into retirement to see out their days on a shelf in a garden shed. It is though comforting to find they have not fallen into the hands of the boot abusers in Cheltenham, far from it. It seems they could now be starting a whole new exciting chapter in their lives. I wonder how they are coping with the fame. They are just normal boots that have lived a normal life and have had no training in things theatrical. Let’s hope this does not go to their heads and they get above their station.
Talking of stations
Do you have to?
Yes I was born in a signal box
My class conscious mum wanted to live above her station.
Didn’t all those levers get in the way?
No in fact it had its plusses.
When I would not go to sleep instead of pushing me around in the pushchair she would wrap me up and as the local train went by she would throw me into the coal tender where I would be lulled to sleep and then when the train returned a few hours later the engine driver would throw me back.
Wasn’t it a bit painful?
Only on the odd occasion when the fireman mistaking me for a lump of coal would shovel me into the fire box. Singed my nappies I can tell you.
So you were brought up on the right lines then?
I said I tell the jokes…….. Sometimes she would be a bit drunk and get the wrong train and I would end up in Glasgow or London. Well travelled I was.
Didn’t you get rather dirty living in a coal tender?
Yes when I got back home my Dad would think I was an illegal immigrant and hand me into the police.
But it was a good life.
I feel rather guilty now as the boots led a rather sheltered life at the Foggydave household just pottering around in the garage and garden with a few trips down to the Co op. and local tip. The most exciting thing to happen to them was when I wore them driving the land rover off road that is if you can call being up to your top eyelet in mud is exciting.
I just hope they do not forget their roots and who bought them up in the world. I would expect an invite to their Hollywood home in the near future, and maybe meet some big stars.
Just think of the films this humble pair of boots could be in.
Why stop at film they could be in some Shakespearian production at the Old Vic
Hamlet- Alas poor boots I knew them well Horatio.
Macboot- Away damn boots.
Much ado aboot nothing.
The taming of the boot.
A midsummer nights boot.
Julius ( The boot ) Caesar.- Friends Romans Countrymen lend me you boots.
The stirring speech from Henry V
We few, we happy few, we band of boots;
or a musical with dancing and singing. Maybe a Brian Rix farce.
But would these films just be pandering to the perverted tastes of the Boot Cult. Maybe Arnie himself has a predilection for such things.
What they need is a good agent, one who has only their best interests at heart who will not fleece them out of every penny.
THE BOOTS OF DOOM
A film by S Lace.
It seems they want to film an epic a little like the lord of the rings it will be called The Boots of Doom.
They even sent me part of a script to read.
An extract from the script.
Outside rundown inner city pub, dark winters night, rain lashing onto shiny cobbles, pairs of boots and shoes walking past umbrellas battered by the wind.
“There’s trouble down at the Boot and Shovel, a lowly pub. A stronghold of the working boot, but being overtaken by Dress shoes and High heels, out to see the other side of life in the mean streets. Where to be a boot and survive is a daily struggle made no easier by the world shortage of stegs and those metal lace ends. Where resoles cost a weeks wages and black polish is unheard off, just good old dubbin for these poor creatures. Laces were bits of old baler twine This was the lower class, the bottom rung of society”.
Cut to inside pub snug and to beer glass, pan from beer glass to talking black boot.
“Fancy footwear... Pah in my world a boot is a boot and damned proud of it. Dress shoes, high heels, big softies the lot of them. Come down here lording it about. The first sign of bad weather and there gone. Not your boot. No, your boot is hard, send em back I say”.
Cut to Brown boot
“We used to get the odd wellington or Hush Puppy now and again but this is ridiculous. Shoe box prices are out of the roof where are we to live, they are pricing us out of house and shoe box. Soon all we will be left with will be carrier bags to live in while those Cherry Blossom polished pansies will be lording it about in their fancy shoe box apartments. And now not content with cardboard they are using Tuppaware boxes because they give more light. I ask you when has a tough old boot needed daylight. Conscription that’s what we need that lot would not last two minutes on a real march. I always remember my Grandad, a tough old army boot telling me about his time in the Falklands when he carried his wearer across the island in a few days to trounce the Argies. If it was not for the trusty British boot The Falklands would be called Islas Malvinas and Goose green would be Ganso Verde”.
Pan to black boot sipping beer a line of froth on his tongue.
“ Aye that’s what they need. I always remember me mum bless her leather uppers, toiling over a hot vat of dubbin, ready to give us a treat when we came in from the wet.”
Cut to Old brown boot sitting in the shadows.
“Wet, wet don’t talk to me about wet, these pansy boots would not last five minutes in the real weather How can they be called boots when at the first sign of wetness they cannot go out if they do they fall to pieces. Soggy wets thats what I call them, soggy wets”.
The door to the snug crashes open. Wind and rain blows through the door.
Cut to each boot as they look fearfully up at the door and then at each other.
The sound of a boot crashing to the wooden floor.
Pan to door to a pair of size 15 highly dubbined black boot wearing war medals and a red beret. smoking a cigar. With a round enamelled badge on which was printed (Loud drum roll followed by descending scale of trombones) BOOTS OF DOOM HENCHMAN 1ST CLASS
Henchman I speak for The Boots of Doom.
A gasp goes around the room.
“You all sit around here like namby pamby flip flops moaning and groaning. Stand up for yourselves. It is time for a revolution when the humble British boot can once again hold its upper high, with proud tongue protruding, laces tied as laces should be, not in the French way but the double knot as passed down through the ages. Why should we put up with it? I say we should fight back. Who is with me on this? Who will join the legions of The Boots of Doom”?
The henchman looks around the room, there is a deep silence.
Henchman “The drinks are on me”.
A cheer can be heard.
Restaurant overlooking the mean district
Shot Camera takes long shot of the Boot and Shovel pub looking down from the restaurant window and then drawing back to a table in the restaurant Seated at the table are four boots who have just finished their meal and are smoking cheroots and drinking Brandy.
Cheer from end of scene one heard again
Pan down to pub room filled with drunken boots. Then to Henchman standing by door.
Henchman “Come on then lads lets show them what we are made of”.
Henchman then stamps out of pub followed by a mob of drunken boots.
Cut to rain swept cobbled street and Boots overturning cars and horse carts
Henchman “To the barricades lads lets shove this designer rabble back to where it belongs Aye that’s it back to France and Italy do not falter in your resolve we will be victorious we have the Boot Hunter of doom on our side. We must stride out, crush the foe and give him a good kicking”
The henchman then stands on the barricade.
Close shot of henchman as he gives a rousing speech.
Henchman "Arm yourselves, and be ye boots of valour, and be in readiness for the conflict; for it is better for us to perish in battle than to look upon the outrage of our nation and our boots. As the Will of The Great Boot is in Heaven, even so let it be."
Our task is not only to win the battle - but to win the war. A war for all that Britain is, and all the British boot means. That will be the struggle. In that supreme emergency we shall not hesitate to take every step, even the most drastic, to call forth from our boots the last ounce and the last toe cap of effort of which they are capable. The interests of property, the hours of labor, are nothing compared with the struggle of life and honor, for right and freedom of the humble British boot to which we have vowed ourselves”. **
Scene shots of villages and hamlets raising barricades with final shots showing boots looking over the defences awaiting the enemy.
“Cometh the hour cometh the boots.”
“Cometh the Boots of Doom.”
This is all I have been given but it does sound exciting stuff I cannot wait to hear more and will keep you updated on the events as they occur. I should be receiving some location photos soon.
** Slightly edited excerpts from Sir Winston Churchill’s parliamentary speeches